Sunday, March 4, 2012


My novel  Heads or Tails? Geminis Don’t Choose is about a woman who got bored with certain aspects of her relationship, but chose to explore outside of it as opposed to abandoning it. Obviously that is called cheating, and cheating is something that unfortunately does occur in many relationships for many reasons-boredom being one of them.  I have received multiple requests to address relationships on my blog. I stayed clear of the topic purposely, because I do not proclaim to be an expert on romance, and I personally do not read books or take stock in the words of people that proclaim to be experts on the subject. Every relationship is as dynamic as the people involved in it. What may work for one couple may not work for others.  Therefore, in my non-professional opinion, key components to a successful relationship starts with you being comfortable with yourself,  knowing and staying true to yourself,  being honest about what you are willing to sacrifice, and not settling for less than what you want. 

Before entertaining the prospect of a partnership you have to ask yourself are you emotionally ready. Loneliness should not be the catalyst which makes you reach for a partner. A relationship is a huge responsibility.  If you are dealing with crises, emotional baggage from a previous relationship, pressures at work or working on goals that you have set for yourself, a relationship should not be added to that list. You will do nothing but bring the stress and strain to it. You will not be able to focus your full attention on it, or you will attempt to lose yourself in it as a means of coping with all your other issues. 

In the dating process we are often guilty of hiding little idiosyncrasies about ourselves and our insecurities. People portray themselves to be what they believe the person they are pursuing wants them to be.  For example:  I am naturally affectionate but at the same time, and at the risk of sounding stereotypical, I am a true Gemini. Therefore, do not expect that affectionate person when I wake up in the morning.  I have a routine that works for me- I wake up, hit snooze, wonder blindly to the shower, and do not want to be bothered until a cup of Bustello coffee graces my tastebuds.  

In addition, relationships require sacrifice that range from small to high on your list. When you are getting to know a person you should be honest about what sacrifices you are willing to make. If you want kids and your potential partner doesn’t, do not pretend that you are willing to bend. 

Also, the idea that you get what you put out is not always the case.  Sometimes you can give 100% and only get back 50%.  That is because you ignored all the signs that told you you were only going to receive 50%, and settled for it, because the person had two of the four things that you were looking for. I don’t think there is anyone who can look back in retrospect and say they did not see the signs of a failing relationship.  We often choose to ignore them due to reasons like loneliness, good sex, or what a person has or looks like.

The only way to have a successful relationship is to approach one with a clear mind and spirit. 

Have a Great Week!

Tish-Author of the popular novel Heads or Tails? Geminis Don't Choose

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