Monday, May 7, 2012

Toxic Situations

Most people have come in contact with relationships that were less than healthy: A belligerent boss; an inattentive partner, that co-worker who has a bad day everyday, and tries to make your days mirror his or hers, or that friend that is quick to point out your flaws. I cannot leave out that cheating partner you may have forgave time and time again. Question is, have you become a magnet for these types of emotional and spiritually toxic situations? And of course, that is a question only you can answer. I have provided you with a small test to help you answer this important question:

1) Do you speak up immediately when you feel violated?
2) Do you stuff your negative or hurt feelings until they reach an all time high before dealing with them?
2) Do you refrain from saying anything at all when you feel violated?
3) Do you allow others to use the word "sorry" as rectification for their actions?
4) Do you listen to your gut or ignore it?
5) Is being accepted by others highly important to you?

Now if you answered the questions truthfully, coupled with the frequency of occurences, some of you will have notice a pattern. You are a magnet for toxic situations. However, your new found awareness, or it may not even be new found, your ability to admit there is a pattern, is the pivotal step toward change. See, it is easy to become espoused to patterns, and allow insecurities, or the lack of  knowledge on how to change those patterns, to keep you stagnant. Without that awareness you will more than likely keep saying why is this person doing this? Why are they saying that? Why does this keep happening? Why do I feel this way or that way? The answer will always boil down to you. You are the sole controller of your actions, and you are the power to change the circumstances that effect you, and the people you allow in your life.

If you do not like your boss or your job, continue to work at your best, while putting your resume out in droves. Year after year your partner has not morphed into the person you need, get a new one. That friend that will tell you how ugly your dress is, or how bad your ideas are, and never has any encouraging, and supportive words-get a new one. Bottom line-try something that may be out of your comfort zone, and  for goodness sakes, pry open the death grip your insecurities may have placed on your tongue, and the minute your gut, and your brain starts to tell you to revisit how you handled a situation, do so. Stop yourself from being a magnet for toxic influences. And do not read this and say, 'It's not that simply,' when it really is. You cannot control the circumstances or behaviors of others, but you are in control of yourself.

Wishing You Emotional Health, And A Lively Spirit,
Author of Heads or Tails? Geminis Don't Choose


  1. Awhile ago I made a stand and refused to accept being treated with mediocrity or outright abuse with my family and friends. There were concerns raised about "Whats wrong with Robert?" Well Robert was just standing up for himself. The result has been lost friendships and family relationships. I am lonely but I have most of my self esteem back. I can live with myself with dignity. So I will die alone, I really don't give a f_ck

    1. Throughout life I have known that I was crazy for the wrong people, never paying attention to the fact that they have been for the wrong reasons. I am as you know a CARETAKER, yet when I need the caring I am lost in the dust somehow. I am learning; slowly but surely (finally),that I have to take care of myself. It's not an easy step, however I know I don't like being way behind. I will rise, damnit! "Still I Rise"-Maya Angelou

  2. So true! A lot of us, myself included, let the hardships and trauma during our development into adulthood make us a welcome mat for people that pass through our lives. I can't speak for everyone but for me I've let my threshold for bs be very high compared to the average person. When you go through so much you put up with much more feeling it's just the norm when in reality it is so far from that.